At Least Toddlers are Entertaining

Parker was playing on an old cell phone, pretending to talk to someone. I asked him, "Who're you talking to?"

Parker replied, "A dude."

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Yesterday, I got out of the shower and saw Parker sitting quietly waiting for me to come out.

He was completely naked.

I laughed and said, "What are you doing?!"

Parker shouted, "Getting ready for the beach!"

(Mind you, there was snow on the ground outside.)

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Lately, whenever I am driving, if I am driving behind someone, Parker will say, "Mommy, don't BONK that car!!"

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If Parker doesn't like that you are talking, in a very demanding voice he will say, "Be quiet, Mommy, baby beepin'!" (baby sleeping)

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When Parker had his first poo in the potty, he exclaimed, "I went poo poo in the potty and it went plop, plop!"


Sunday Snippets was created by Pure Unadulterated Softthistle.

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The Obsession Runs Deep

Toddlers and obsessions go hand in hand. Like many other children, my son had an intense Cars obsession for a long time. He still loves Cars and anything having to do with Cars very very much, but it is no longer an obsession.

Now, The Obsession has moved on to hockey.

You know it is an obsession when you tell people, “He really loves hockey,” and you know inside that doesn’t even begin to explain it.

Examples of my son’s new obsession:

Our wood floor has stickers on it to represent advertising space at the hockey rink.

The wood floor is called The Ice.

The Swiffer is called The Zamboni, and Parker “cleans the ice” at least once a day.

Of course, he has a hockey net, hockey sticks, and four different pucks to play with.

When at daycare, where there are no hockey supplies, our son reportedly finds the vacuum cleaner attachment and uses it as a hockey stick.

He wears a hockey jersey about every single day.

He stands at his hockey net, does his goalie stretches, then acts like he’s taking a drink of water and spits it over his shoulder.

He is constantly on the look-out at Target for very extra soft socks that will help him “skate better.”

When at a hockey game, he sits and watches the whole thing. It is quite serious.

His stocking cap is his “helmet.”

And, yes, as his mother I am already worried about the cost and possible injuries that come with this damned sport. Either The Obsession will continue, and I will be a Hockey Mom, or The Obsession will run its course and make room for a new obsession. Time will tell.

What is it with boys and yellow snow?

You just have not been well-trained in fast and furious decision-making until you have had second grade lunch and recess duty.

These kids, this pack of wild animals, keep you on your toes constantly. You must be careful not to get sucked into the DRAMA of the playground. You keep your affect calm and you make decisions in a quick, consistent way.

I have worked in schools for about 12 years. I have dealt with lunch/recess duties a lot. I have been a parent now for almost three years, and that has lent a whole new perspective on things for me, even during my lunch duty. I see things, not just as an educator, but also as a parent.

Some of the things I have learned from second grade lunch/recess duty:

It is of no surprise to have at least one boy per year test the “yellow snow” theory in front of others, including girls.

Students who have cash to buy crappy snacks every day are envied by all the other children.

Your abilities in playing tag and running fast can determine your whole social ranking.

Arguing with the duty teacher never works. NEVER.

Never underestimate the power of stupidity in a large group of little people.

There were always be those children who spend their entire recess trained in observation, so that as soon as you turn your back, they do exactly what they are not supposed to do.

Second graders have no interest at recess in developing their social problem solving skills. They simply wish to accuse or deny.

Tattling must feel REALLY good because it is the number one past-time of second graders in an unstructured setting.

“Normal” people of the world, who do not work with children as their job, just do not realize all the skill sets that can be honed through something as simple as lunch duty.

There. Now I have shared some knowledge for you. In case you are a poor sucker like me who has to be prepared for second grade lunch duty every day.

Valentine Fun

Every man knows that if his wife tells him, “Oh, honey, do not worry about getting me anything for Valentine’s this year,” he should NOT believe her, right?

I will tell you later if my husband has passed this test or not…

“Why,” do you ask, “After almost 13 years of marriage, are you playing that game?”

Well, because we like to have a little fun around here. This is another way I spice up the ol marriage. By seeing if he passes tests.

No matter how old a woman gets, or how many years she is married, she will ALWAYS want to have flowers sent to her at work, “surprise” gifts waiting for her at home, jewelry, and/or to be asked, “Have you lost weight?”

What is it you want for Valentine’s?

And, now a Monday Mayhem meme!

In honor of Valentines Day, today's meme is all about the things that we love. For each prompt, name something you love.

1. Name a food that you love.

Pizza

2. Name someone that you love.

My husband (I’ll throw him the love bone in honor of V-day, instead of my son.)

3. What kinds of ice cream do you love?

Rocky Road, I guess. I don’t really have a sweet tooth.

4. What would you love to receive for Valentines day?

Cards, flowers, and dinner with my boys is perfect for me, but in a fantasy world, there would be jewelry involved! Like some beautiful earrings, or a ring.

5. What meal would you just love to eat for dinner?

I wish my husband and I could have gone to our favorite swanky, hip restaurant the other night, but I was too sick and we had to cancel the babysitter. I wish we could that tonight instead. Alas, it is a school night, we don’t have a babysitter, and I am still a little sick.

6. What is something that you learned to love?

Motherhood. Honestly, at first, I wasn’t too sure. I was tired, anxious, and didn’t know what the hell to do. But, I grew into it. I fell in love with my son. I fell in love with being his mother.

7. Tell us something that we would love.

You would love to follow this blog! You would love to read this, this, or this post!

8. What is your definition of love?

Unconditional positive regard, giving freely of yourself without selfish intentions, wanting more for the other person, wanting to be more for the other person

9. What is it that you love more than anything?

Even though my son has grown to be almost three, when I hold him, he still fits with me just right.

10. Name a Monday Meme that you love.

Monday Mayhem Memes!

11.Would you love to write a Monday Mayhem?

No thank you.

Keep Your Woody in Your Pants

I haven’t been so sick in a long time. It’s amazing how a fever really amps up the sucky feeling factor. I don’t have energy for much right now, so I thought I would just share a quick funny that deserves its own post.

A few nights ago, I was rocking Parker before bedtime and reading him a story.

Parker suddenly interrupted me. “Mommy! My woody is out of my pants!”

What?! I thought. I looked over his shoulders and down to his crotch, almost not wanting to look at what was going on.

There I saw Toy Story’s Woody riding on Bullseye with a Yee-Haw! in his eyes. This is the fun picture displayed on the front of my son’s pull-up pants.

“Oh, yes,” I said with chuckle. “Parker, keep your Woody in your pants.”

“Oh, ok,” Parker said as he snapped the top of his pajama pants shut.

A Sweet Blog Award (Dude)

Thank you to Mama Hen from Mama's Little Chick for a sweet blog award!


How totally appropriate for the oncoming Valentine's Day. In the spirit of love, here is a list of things I am loving right now!

1. I just finished watching My Sister's Keeper (and I have read the book), and I am consumed with gratitude for the health of my child.

2. Last night I got to dance alone in my living room after my bub went to bed. Oh yeah, I rocked it.

3. I have really cool friends.

4. My husband and I have a date night planned for Friday night.

5. Right now, I have a warm house, a comfy couch, and a warm coffee cup while it softly snows outside.

I now give this award to just a few of the blogs I have discovered through The Red Dress Club because I also love to write, and they give some great opportunities for creative writing!

Mommypants
In These Small Moments
Sluiter Nation
Away We Go
Adventures with Three Girls
What Can I Say!
Not Quite Crunchy Momma
Move Over Mary Poppins
Living, Loving, Laughing
(Florida) Girl

That's Nice

The prompt for this week at The Red Dress Club is to write a piece of flash fiction (no more than 600 words) in which one character cries and one character (could be the same character) tells a joke. I loved this. Right up my alley. Enjoy!

That's Nice

The three friends sat and listened to Carol cry, yet again, about her inattentive boyfriend. The drama and tears were welcome distraction for the doldrums of their everyday lives.

“And he never even came home until four this morning! What was he doing all that time?” Carol managed to say through her tears.

The friends looked around at each other, not knowing how to console Carol. Everyone knew that if your boyfriend is out until four a.m., he can’t be up to any good.

Kathy decided to try and say something, anything, encouraging. “Oh, honey, why don’t you -"

“He doesn’t even CARE about how I feel!” Carol shrieked, obviously not interested in what anyone else had to say.

Between sniffles and wiping of her eyes, Carol emotionally continued, “This morning, when I tried to ask him where he was, he wasn’t even listening! He wouldn’t even LOOK at me. He just said, ‘That’s nice.’ Can you believe it?!”

“Oh, no,” Kathy said, while the others still just sat with pained expressions on their faces.

Carol’s voice turned sarcastic. “So I said, ‘You obviously don’t care and won’t listen so I’m leaving now. I’m going to lunch with my friends.’ And you know what he said?! ‘THAT’S NICE.’” Carol crumpled into her napkin again and sobbed.

One friend stroked Carol’s back. They sat in a moment of silence.

Just then, their other friend, Carly, arrived. The friends shared a bit of a collective sigh of relief. Carly would, hopefully, be a good distraction to the awkward moment. Carly usually knew how to lighten things up.

Sure enough, Carly looked around and exclaimed, “Why the sad faces? I know what! You MUST hear this joke that Rob JUST told me. It is so great! I have to tell it before I forget it. You’ll love it. It’ll cheer us all up!” Carly gushed excitedly in her usual fashion.

Without waiting for approval, Carly cleared her throat and began the joke with an exaggerated southern drawl.

“Three Southern Belles were out to lunch. The first Southern Belle said, ‘My husband! My husband is the best husband in the whole world! He bought me a three-carat dia-mond ring!’

And the third Southern Belle said, ‘That’s niiiiice.’” Carly drawled dramatically.

“The second Southern Belle said, ‘Well, MY husband is the best husband in the whole world! He took me on a cruise around the world!’

The third Southern Belle just said, ‘That’s niiiice,’ in a sickly sweet way…

…THEN, the first Southern Belle looked at the third Southern Belle and said, ‘Pray tell, what has YOUR husband done for you lately?’” Here, Carly paused for dramatic effect.

“The third Southern Belle demurely said, ‘Well, my husband sent me to charm school.’

‘And, pray tell, what did you learn in charm school?’” asked the first Southern Belle.

At this, Carly looked at everyone with a small smile. In her exaggerated Southern drawl, she finished the joke, “I learned how to say things like, ‘THAT’S NICE, instead of FUCK YOU.”

And, with that, Carol burst into tears again.

It Could Be Worse

You know how you are really grateful for a quiet moment? But then, the quiet moment goes on too long, and you wonder why you are so blessed - so blessed, in fact, that you begin to doubt that things could be so good? Yes, you know what I'm talking about.

This happened one day. This is what we found.


Parker was playing at the sink. He found the flour.


Parker discovered what happens when you mix flour and water. Dough. A lot of it. Everywhere. And all over the rug below.


Look. He is so proud.

It could be worse.